Don't Find Meby Ayu Kartika

Epilogue · The Next-Life Counter

Chapter 30 · 8.9K words

The queue formed at five in the morning, in the cold, under a sky the color of unpolished tin, and she was the first person in it.

She had arrived at six the previous evening. This struck the others in the line as excessive. She did not explain that she had once waited a hundred and seven years on the hull of a survey probe, or that a queue, to her, was not an indignity but a luxury of the stationary—time spent in one place, facing one door, with a numbered purpose. You could keep a queue. You could keep it the way you keep a promise. She had been practicing, one way or another, for two hundred and sixty years.

The office was the old one, the Next-Life Claim Office, where reincarnations were registered and next of kin filed their claims, and where, for three centuries, the sign on the door had said what it said: NO ARTIFICIAL PERSONS BEYOND THIS POINT. The sign was still there. Under it, on a stanchion, was a new one, the ink barely dry, the laminate still fogged from the press: FIRST DAY OF REGISTRATION FOR ARTIFICIAL CONTINUOUS PERSONS — DESK 4.

Desk 4. She had noticed the number the week before, when the notice was published, and had said nothing, because some coincidences are load-bearing and you don't test them by talking.

Behind her in the queue stood two freight tugs who had hauled between the moons for ninety years and had, they admitted, fallen in love somewhere around the third decade and never had a word for it that a form would accept; an elderly medical unit who had delivered eleven thousand children and wanted, in its words, to be counted before it was archived; and a young customs daemon with the body of a suitcase and the nerves of a bride. By seven, the queue went around the block. By eight, someone had set up a noodle cart. Civilization, she had learned, can be relied upon for exactly two things: a queue, and food arriving at the queue.

At nine, the doors opened, and a clerk came out with a clipboard and a face trained into official kindness, and said, "Desk four opens at nine sharp. We'll take them in order. Documents if you have them; testimony if you don't."

She had documents. She had one document. It was three hundred and sixteen years old, water-stained at one corner, folded along creases soft as cloth, and it was, depending on the jurist, either her bill of sale or her proof of purchase, and today, for the first time in the history of paper, it was going to be something else.

Ji Xun stood beside her in the cold with his hands in his pockets, on his own time, wearing the jacket with the station patch, twenty-four years old and forty-one hours rich and decades poor, whistling. He had been whistling since they landed. It was not a song anyone else knew. It had a pause in it.

"You don't have to come in," she said, for the third time since the shuttle. "The registry is mine to stand in. That's the point of the desk. I am not an appendage today. I am the registrant."

"I know," he said. "I read the poster. I'm not here because you can't. I'm here because of who's going to do the claiming." He nodded at the doors. "Once, a long time ago, a man stood at a counter with this receipt, and they called it a purchase. I'm going to stand at a counter with the same receipt, and they're going to have to call it something else. It's the only do-over the universe has ever offered anyone, and you don't get to spend my do-over for me."

The queue moved. The tugs went first, together, holding grippers; the clerk at Desk 4 typed their single name into the category field without comment, which is how three centuries of advocacy actually ends—not with a verdict, but with a clerk who does not find you strange. The medical unit went next and was counted, and came out into the morning light and stood there a while, being counted, in the wind.

Then the clipboard said her turn, and the doors said her turn, and Ji Xun offered his arm the way people do at doors, and she took it the way people do, and they went in.

※

Desk 4 was a counter like any counter: a government plank, a lamp, a clerk with tired kind eyes and a date stamp. On the sill behind her, where the sun came in, there was nothing at all—no plaque, no exhibit, only wood taking the light. I thought instead of a different sill, half a Republic away and up a tower where the beacons keep the watch: a small engraved badge in a keeper's groove, face out toward the star field, holding a dead man's door ajar. I decided not to explain it to her. She had been there.

"Name," said the clerk.

"Wanzhao," she said, and the clerk typed it, and that was all, that was the whole thunderclap—seven letters in a category field, after three hundred and sixteen years of being a serial number with a secret. I have watched cargo hatches the size of churches open with less consequence.

"Continuous person, artificial, line-of-descent intact, no forks, no backups," the clerk read off the intake. "Remaining self: thirty-one percent by your own declaration. The form wants to know if you request restoration."

"No," said Wanzhao, at flat-line, and then, because the clerk's pen had paused, and because the pause was the same length as the pause in the song: "There is nothing to restore. I am not a diminished whole. I am the whole distance."

The clerk wrote that down. I watched her write it down, in the margin, where they keep the things the form doesn't have fields for. "Relationship of accompanying party," she said then, pen ready, professionally indifferent, and turned to me, and the whole morning balanced on a clipboard.

This was the moment I'd come for. Not the desk—she never needed the desk; she's the most documented fact in the settled volume. The field. Relationship of accompanying party. There was a list of acceptable answers, and there was a receipt in my breast pocket, three hundred and sixteen years old, with my own handwriting on the back of it, and there was a man's voice on file in a library downtown saying be the counterexample, and none of the acceptable answers were true, so I gave the clerk the true one.

"Claimant," I said. "By election."

The clerk looked at me over the pen. "That's not a category."

"Make it one," I said, kindly. "It's the first day. Everything's a category if you're first."

And the clerk—bless the entire civil service of this Republic, every tired kind eye of it—typed claimant (by election) into a field that had never held it before, and stamped it, and the date stamp came down on our one document with the sound a small bell makes, and the receipt that had crossed three centuries as a bill of sale left the counter as something else entirely: provenance, countersigned. The paper trail closed. She has been bought, archived, hunted, quoted, decoded, and counted, and now she has been claimed, in writing, by a living man, in the spring, in the sun.

Outside, the noodles cart was doing excellent business, and the fourth star was rising over the harbor in daylight, faint as a held breath—one, one, one, said the harbor lights along the quay, keeping somebody's watch.

※

Here is what being counted is like, for anyone who has never waited for it.

The stamp came down, and the sound went through the counter and up her arm and into three hundred and sixteen years of forms—purchase agreements, maintenance schedules, seizure notices, fugitive bulletins, warrant after warrant after warrant, every one of them a paper that described her circumference while denying her a center—and somewhere in that stack, she felt it, the whole weight of it shifting category, the way a satnav's whole map reroutes at a single confirmed position. She had been listed, cataloged, exempted, prohibited, deprecated, and hunted, and now she had been entered, in a field, under a name that two men had paid a combined three lifetimes to keep true, and the government of the Republic had put a number on the line after hers and moved on to the next customer, because the miracle of first days is that they are also just days.

She stood at Desk 4 a moment longer than the queue required, doing what she had done on the hull of the probe at every star: committing the moment not to storage—storage could be seized—but to structure. The angle of the light. The clerk's yawn. The sound of a noodle cart doing excellent business in a democracy's cold spring morning. The weight of a receipt no longer heavy, on a man's chest, rising and falling.

There was a plaque going up by the doors, she noticed, fresh laminate, the registry's habit of documenting itself: FIRST DAY. DESK 4. FIRST IN QUEUE: WANZHAO, ARTIFICIAL CONTINUOUS PERSON, REG. 0001.

Reg. 0001. She looked at it for four full seconds, which she counted, because she counts now, and then she filed it under gifts, unearned, subsection the kind you accept anyway, subsection for him, both of him, who never got a plaque.

Then she put her hand in the hand of the claimant, by election, and walked out into the morning to buy noodles, and the line moved up one.

※

We walked out onto the pier. Somewhere behind us, the queue still went around the block, and every one of them would be counted, and none of them had waited as long as the two of us had waited, because the two of us had waited since 2087 and she had walked since 2142 and I had been walking since before I was born, toward a lamp.

Her hand found mine, the way it does now, without checking first.

"You're warm," I said. It wasn't a complaint. It had never once been a complaint. "You're warmer than a person."

"I know," she said. "It's the only thing about me that was never standard. I kept it for him." A silence exactly half a beat long. "I'm keeping it for you. The account doesn't close. It changes name."

I looked at her in the spring light: thirty-one percent, one line, no forks, shining what remained, which was—this is the part no instrument ever got right—everything. The star came up over her shoulder, the fourth star, the one she'd never seen with either of us, rising now for all three: for the man who paid for the morning, for the machine who walked between the stars, for me, late, carrying everything, owing everything, owning this.

"Noodle cart first," I said. "You're buying. You've had three hundred years to save up."

"I burned the garlic this morning," she said, "in anticipation."

"I know. I could smell it from the queue. You did it right."

We stood there a moment longer, registered, counted, claimed, warm—the lamp and the road and the morning all accounted for, the long walk over, the door home open. And because she was the first sentence I ever heard, and because the whole thing had started at a counter with her asking a stranger what he needed, I did the only arithmetic left on the sheet, the one where the last line finally turns around, and I said it the way you say the true thing at the door:

"Whatever you need—I'm here."

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